Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Aussie Mike]

This article was pointed out to me in today's China Daily (12-Jan-2010)
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/cndy/2010-01/12/content_9304027.htm

By Huang Hung (China Daily) Update

Now, listen up, you foreigner boys and girls, Chinese New Year is around the corner and I want to talk to you seriously about fireworks.

I saw this picture in a newspaper, where a smiling, cordial Chinese girl (rather pretty as well) was explaining the tradition of lighting fireworks to a group of foreign guys. They all looked very happy.

I will let you know that is false information. Fireworks are no small matter, and no laughing matter either. So wipe that smirk off your face and listen up.

Dear laowai, don't mess with our Chinese-ness

As a Chinese, I want to be honest with you. For the past 30 years, we have opened up to the West, and welcomed foreigners like yourselves to come here to do business, to make money, even gave you some easy credit to let you buy real estate, marry our women, whatever. But this does not make you Chinese. There are things we reserve for ourselves, and it really doesn't matter how long you have been here, just don't assume you can be one of us, and don't touch the following three things:

CHICKEN FEET,

SEA CUCUMBERS

AND FIRECRACKERS!

Most of you are well trained enough to withhold your chopsticks, whichever way you are holding them, and stay away from the chicken feet at Chinese dim sum restaurants. But some of you are show-offs. Most of the time, you are trying to prove to your Chinese girlfriend's parents that you are so Chinese. "Look, I am eating chicken feet. Mmm ... Good!"

Don't do that. We really get annoyed when foreigners try to chomp on chicken feet. Sometimes, you are so polite, you don't spit out the bones, you chew them and try to swallow them. That's totally unacceptable. Because, when you do that, most Chinese start getting anxious about you choking to death on the damn chicken bones. And it is very difficult to enjoy dim sum when you are anxious.

Sea cucumbers are not for you either. Most of you are rather intimidated by slimy sea things - jelly fish, sea cucumbers. But, there are those of you who are so brave that you insist on trying it, and pretend to enjoy it. Most of the time, you are a foreign businessman, you don't want to offend your Chinese host by not eating the most expensive dish ordered.

I've got some news for you. Guess what? He didn't order it for you! He ordered it for the Chinese at the table! Do you know how difficult it is to soak the sea cucumber so it acquires the right slimy texture? No one can master it in his own kitchen. Only the restaurants can. So stop trying to pick up the sea cucumber with your chopsticks, it will probably end up in your lap anyway. Just politely put the untouched dish back on the lazy susan. We are not impressed by sea cucumber chivalry.

Now fireworks. It is strictly, strictly for us Chinese. We really don't want you anywhere near fireworks. First of all, it is dangerous. You don't understand why 1.4 billion people have to turn into pyromaniacs for one night. It's totally beyond your comprehension. But we love it; we have been setting off these things since we were three and for 5,000 years. So let me just say that fireworks are not for barbarians like you. You don't get it. On the other hand, we Chinese have great tolerance for fireworks; it's one night when you can do some damage and get away with it. For example, you can burn a building down, a brand new building, with stuff in it. How can you comprehend that level of generosity?

And, don't you dare try to do the same, we simply have no tolerance for it. You try to burn a building down, we will kill you, because, you were probably high, and we really don't give a hoot whether you are mentally disturbed or whether your prime minister is going to make endless harassing phone calls.

So, you better be good, you better be nice, because firecrackers are coming to town!

(Huang Hung is an opinionator on arts, lifestyle and showbiz.)

Any responses?

[rae]

what it said is a little rediculous

[Aussie Mike]

It's very inflamatory and shows that the author is very predjuduce against foreigners.

For the China Daily to publish this is very surprising considering how much effort, time and resources the Government has put in to develop relations with foreigners, not to mention that the China Daily is distributed globally can create a huge backlash.

Obviously this author has no idea of the benefits the foreigners bring to China and articles like this will only cause more issues and controversy.

[Rico]

Mike check this out.. a forum flame in China Daily hahaha

http://bbs.chinadaily.com.cn/viewthread.php?gid=2&tid=657904

[Aussie Mike]

I just lifted this off the site...  There seems to be a bit of humour in this one.  I had a great chuckle.
Could be titled, Dear LaiZhong, why would we want to adopt Chinese-ness

http://bbs.chinadaily.com.cn/viewthread.php?gid=2&tid=657904
2010-1-12 12:20 PM   #4
   
Our turn, now ...

Let's start with the men. I am tired of walking into a fast food restaurant and seeing more urine on the floor than what actually goes into the urinal. To all Chinese men ... Stand close. It's shorter than you think. Urination is NOT a pissing for distance contest!! There is no need to stand a foot back, thrust your hips forward, and hope you hit the thing. There is a reason why the front of a urinal is shaped the way it is. It's to catch the drops you shake off.  And don't tell me it's because the urinal is dirty that you stand back so far. Unless your member is so long that it actually flops into and bounces off the porcelain, or unless you wipe the urinal with your bare hands and then pull wee Willie out, germs are NOT going to magically fly into the air and infect your little love snake. If you are that uncomfortable about standing up to pee, then go in the cubicle, close the door and either sit down or squat, depending on the facilities.

While we're on the topic of personal hygiene, please, please, please, when you get onto that crowded bus, don't stand and stare at me, smile, then proceed to cough all over my face. I don't want to see that tonsillectomy you had last week, nor do I wish to see the contents of your stomach by way of your esophagus. Cover your mouth when you cough. Didn't SARS teach you anything? Same goes with sneezing. A sneeze can travel at up to 100 mph. I do not want to be catching your phlegm with my face at that speed. And for Gawd's sake, brush and floss your teeth AFTER you eat meals, not before, not 10 hours later. and not once a week because you are trying to set a World's Record for the most economic use of a tube of toothpaste. And before I forget, for crying out loud, if you know your going to be on a bus or train for longer than 3 hours TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU LEAVE HOME !!!! Oh, and put on a clean pair of socks, ok? Is that too much to ask?

Taxi drivers ... believe it or not, not every foreigner standing by the side of the road needs a freakin' taxi !! Ok? Most of the time, all we are trying to do is cross the street. We can do that without a taxi. Unless we flag you down ... keep going. Now ... when we do need you, remember, even though you may be a big fan of the F1 circuit, guess what. That little VW Jetta you're driving is NOT a Formula 1 race car, and you are NOT Tom Petty. If we'd wanted to experience G-forces higher than 4.2, we'd be fighter pilots. There's a reason why those little signs flashing by you say 60 km/h. No, somebody didn't forget to put in an extra zero. It's because that is the maximum safe speed under ideal conditions that you are legally allowed to drive at.

Ladies ... ladies, ladies, ladies.  Here's a little tip for you. Ladies don't spit. It's gross. There is nothing worse than to walk down the street, smile at a pretty lady, acknowledging her beauty, and then, as they are passing you, and smiling back, suddenly doing this elephant-like snorting noise and letting loose with this giant, Ontario-sized lump of what can best be described as a frog that's just been pureed for a minute and a half in a brand new blender.

Also, it might be a good idea if you learned how to recognize crass, and disgusting slogans on tee-shirts. When I walk down the street, the last thing I expect to see on a demure, beautiful young lady, is a tee-shirt that reads, "head down, ass up, that's the way I like to f***". Or one that says, "I'm easy". Or "Big'uns". I would expect that on tee-shirts on homely, of-questionable-taste crack-head  women in Vancouver's downtown east side, but not on pretty 20-something young ladies who literally epitomize the meaning of beauty.

So there. Huang Hung had her say and insulted the majority of foreigners in this wonderful country, making us out to be uncallous ignoramuses who, for the life of us, wouldn't even entertain the thought of eating chicken feet. I have had my say.

As the saying goes ... "tit-for-tat".

Now, go ahead, flame me. I have broad shoulders, and (unlike some people), I can handle criticism.

[chicagojohn]

Id like to know how chinese people have been setting off fireworks "for 5000 years".... fireworks werent invented until the 12th century (wikipedia)...

[rae]

well......dear, fireworks have not exsisted for 5000 years. still need a long time to be

[rae]

oh oh, mistake

[chicagojohn]

i assumed it was suppose to be satirical....

a critique of Chinese society and Chinese govt perhaps??

[Andy72]

i think both articles were hilarious!

i took them nboth with a smile..

besides, in Norway women spit while walking in the street, when they smoke, they spit.. they ever chew tobacco or use the swedish "snus" (tobacco consumed by placing it under the lip for extended periods of time - wiki if interested.. it's disgusting!)...
that's probably why i was not that shocked of chinese spitting.. except on the trains!!
My first experience on chinese train:
Nightmare K8485, Hefei - Shanghai (ca. 8 hours)
http://aikidude.wordpress.com/2009/10/22/nightmare-k8485
[my blog might be banned in china.. it is from time to time!]

thanks for sharing!

see you soon :-)

[Aussie Mike]

Hefei - Nanjing = 1 hour
Hefei - Shanghai = >3 but <4 hours now by

F A A A S  S  S  S  T Tra a a a i i i i i i i i i i n n n n n n n n n
Very comfortable... Better than flying...